Some of us are like “golf balls”. We stumble and fall in life and bounce back high and thrive. Others are like “sponge balls”. We fall and stall in our recovery. Which do you want your kids to be?
Resilience is a crucial life skill. No matter how well you prepare them, kids will face setbacks, failure, defeats, disappointments, and discouragement. The negatives of life cannot be avoided nor prevented. They must be overcome and recovered from.
How can we help our kids get “bouncy”?
First, don’t catch them every time they are about to “fall”: either physically, emotionally, or socially. If we did that while children were learning to walk, they’d never develop the strength, balance, and coordination necessary for walking on their own. The same is true if they are to learn to respond effectively to other life challenges. We cannot breathe for them or learn how to recover for them. They must learn that themselves from experience.
We can show them how to respond effectively, but they must do the practice themselves.
And, no, allowing them to fall when recovery is within their ability, does not make you a bad parent. It makes you a master teacher. Expecting more than they are capable of is bad parenting. Not helping them grow stronger is bad parenting.
Allow Kids Autonomy
Second, don’t do everything for them. Doing their difficult tasks sends a very damaging message. It says “you can’t do this, so let me do it for you.” It undercuts their growing confidence and motivation to learn, to persist until success.
What To Do Instead
Finally, DO catch their negative thinking. Don’t allow them to bash themselves when they perform poorly. “I’m such an idiot” thinking does not motivate them to do better. It leaves them helpless and discouraged. “I CAN do better IF I keep trying” thinking develops their grit. Their bounciness. Bounce on, Mom and Dad!
